I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
