If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
