Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
