And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I didn't notice because vodka
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
