First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
