Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
