Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
it's like iHOP with fire
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
