My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
