Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
