So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
