it was like his penis was on wheels.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
