the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
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He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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