Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
