I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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