I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Everything about him screamed your future.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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