in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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