Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
