well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
