I think my fart just growled at me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
