Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
this will be a night to untag.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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