I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
