Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
