There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
