wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Enjoy the penises
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
