the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize