My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
