How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
