Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
