Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
