one might say we're banned from that church
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
