I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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