I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
