He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
