i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
ttyl tear gas
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
