it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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