Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You ate ashes out of my bong
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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