well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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