Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Sext me about skeletons
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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