If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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