U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
