You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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