I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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