I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
