Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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