I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
