It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
