Sry I called you an 8
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
