I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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