Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
