with your own penis?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
