I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
