good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Randomize
