were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
