i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize