Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
