we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
