you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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