his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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