my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
