Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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