Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
