Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
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We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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