Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
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Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
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Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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