I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
