Swine flu. Run for my life!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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