The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
