I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
