If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
