i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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