She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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