I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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