trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
