We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
