Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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