Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
