I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
