I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
