dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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