Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
