how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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