Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
