I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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