Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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